I lost a hubcap last week. I lost it in a field. I lost it in a relatively large field. I lost it in a relatively large field that had been sown in legumes that are now 2 feet tall. So I stopped and wandered through this field a bit, seeking my lost hubcap. I was on my way to work, so I had to search quickly. To no avail. Did I mention the field was relatively large?
So every day for about the last week, I have been planning on leaving early and going hubcap hunting, but I finally got around to it today. Rotten choice. You see, it has rained for the past two days. So I left 15 minutes early and pulled over next to The Field.
I hopped out of my car and walked along the edge of The Field, looking for any sign of my Lost Hubcap. I searched, and as I walked sort-of-methodically through this field, I noticed my shoes were becoming rather wet. Fortunately, I have some spray-on shoe water-proofer. Unfortunately, I did not have any on these shoes. I continued hiking through The Field, remembering that I can get another one in Ligonier for only fifteen dollars. Shut up, memory. My pants became wet up to the knees, and by the time I left The Field, my pants were soaked and I appeared to have jumped into a wading pool. I felt like it too.
I now had achieved several things: 1 wet pair of pants, 1 soaked pair of socks, one waterlogged pair of shoes, and 0 found hubcaps. Memo to self: hubcap hunting in a legume field with 2-foot-high clover plants right after some extensive rainfal: bad idea and rather unproductive. Final score: Me, 0, The Field, 2. I hopped back in my car with no hubcap and turned on the floor heater.
When I arrived at work, I removed my socks and wrung them into a toilet in the men’s room. It helped. A little.
So, for those of you who don’t know what i do for a living, I work in apple tech support, and Jonathan Hancock is not my real name. So we reach the part about support vampires.
I found that name on afterapple.com, a site made by an apple ex-employee. Click tha link, that is close to my life, only without the four-letter words. I read and identified. But I digress.
So I get a call at 8:55 PM, 5 minutes before we close. This guy named Mariano is halfway through reinstalling the Mac OS and he wants to make sure when he gets finished, he has somebody to help him answer those really tough questions, like “what is your name’ and ‘what would you like to use for a password.’ Only we sharp apple tech support agents know the correct answers to those questions… NOT!
So I tell him that he will need to answer those questions without help and that I am not able to stay on the line, as it will take a long time. Being a desperate man, he took a desperate measure. He made up a question. I answered it quickly, and he was ready with another “how-do-I-use-iMovie’ type question. I knew he was stalling. I kept edging around ending the call, and he kept desperately making up questions like “Can I send pictures that I take with my iSight (apple.com/imac for details on what an isight is) to my phone?’ I told you he was desperate.
So I asked Tier 2. I asked the guy to hold on while I talked to “a specialist.” I waited. The two magical beeps, and I was on the line with a girl I’ll call Wendy. She told me I could tell him I was no longer able to stay on the line because this is what we in tech support call a time-intensive task (aka, will take forever and a day to do and we only have 20 minutes to fix your problem) and that I could just tell him that, then say Thank you for calling apple, *click. She said yes. I love you, Wendy.
I left Wendy and told Mariano that I could not stay with him. He asked two or three relevant questions and hung up. A half hour later, the torment was over.
Good night, all.
Posted 5/15/2006 11:54 PM – 1 View – 2 eProps – 2 comments
P.S. How do you like the pic? I can’t remember what it’s called when the lighting is like it is in the pic…help me out here, k?
Posted 5/16/2006 1:42 PM by therealdeal1687